look who’s back… back again?

Well hot damn– I guess it’s been a minute or three. Do you know how many Neopets I would’ve killed in the time it’s been since my last post? 😦 it’s 1:32am and sleep has been a hot and fleeting commodity for me these days so as I’m just kind of laying here, half attempting to relax into a guided meditation, my monkey mind keeps jumping around. I honestly don’t even remember how I thought of this blog again. And thats why i don’t think the monkey mind gets the credit it deserves. It’s a part of us that we’re always trying to wrangle and contain (hence the meditation) but if I hadn’t let those monkeys roam freely, I wouldn’t have found my way back to my long, lost, beloved jillyfish blog. It’s been so long I feel like I’ve lived on 12 different planets since my last post. I was pretty funny 6 years ago and I’d hate to disappoint now that I’ve aged (ugh, boringgg). But let me tell YOU– life has really been life-ing. And that has either made me funnier or just more self-conscious or dead inside. Or a peculiar and maybe not so appealing combination of all 3? Perhaps, but I’ll let you be the judge. Re-reading my old posts reminds me of the simple fact that I’ve always loved to write. Don’t you love when things are just, true? When something is “just simply true” it can make life feel easy even if for a moment. And life feels easy whenever I’m allowing my mind to empty itself onto a page. I intend to keep my written promise of maintaining 100% unfiltered thoughts but also its 2025 and I’m not just going to be out here saying ridiculous things for no reason. Unless I end up doing that. You can get cancelled for sneezing nowadays. I say this as if my essentially non-existent, dusty blog containing 3 entries could potentially be on the public’s watch list for potentially cancellable reasons. What I’m trying to say is that although times have changed, I haven’t and I still hope to bring my most honest and raw thoughts to these pages and your eyeballs. It’s fulfilling and cathartic for me, even sitting here now being tired as shit, I can’t help but feel joy that I remembered the name of this freakin website. Before WordPress came to me, I had tried wordspace, wordpage, wordsworth and wordle… Thanks again, monkey mind. I really couldn’t tell you why I’ve left this thing unattended for so god damn long. Sticking to things has not entirely been a strong suit of mine, not as much as enthusiastically beginning a new project. It’s my staying power and follow through that could use some self-discipline. But I’m able to name it, at least. That’s growth. That almost sounds like something someone in their 30’s would say. Maybe I wasn’t meant to become consistent on this thing until right now. I’d like to think I’ve racked up enough “life experiences” to stick to this and really maybe even offer something of substance. First and foremost: these entries, journaling, and creative writing have always been an outlet for me. I’ve always felt like even beyond acting, which is also a love of mine, there’s just nothing quite like allowing your mind to sync with a pen (in this case, my keyboard) and just LET IT RIP. So maybe this time, it’ll stick. Maybe this time I’ll develop discipline in my writing practice. Because why not? It’s a challenge, and my Aries Moon LOVES a good challenge. Speaking of moons! Tonight, this very night, August 10, 2025 is the Sturgeon Full Moon in Aquarius. I’m not sure what else that means tbh because I haven’t actually looked too much into this one but I’ve definitely been feeling all kinds of shifts energetically. Obviously not an ideal time nor is it recommended by astrologers to manifest during a full moon. This lunar phase is much more supported by and optimal for releasing and letting go. Perhaps it’s a good time for me to release not following through on what I truly care about and what lights me up. Huh— What a concept. The truth is, I’m tired of my life not being what I know it can and quite frankly SHOULD be. I don’t know if it’s because I am my grandmother’s only granddaughter and she was an impressively steely, hustling, little thing who believed in me like no other. And she didn’t just believe in the image SHE had of me, no no. She believed in the freak that I truly am. That is why they say there is nothing like a grandmother’s love. Unless your grandma was like, racist or wildly offensive or something. I can hear her from wherever she is–she’s waiting for me, to become. To bloom. Like a rose! I mean, I actually don’t know what she’s saying or thinking but I do know she’s drinking Dr. Pepper from a can with a straw and eating ice cream straight from the carton and talking somebody’s ear off. And she is definitely Heaven’s class clown and most popular. I joke now, but I actually did experience something spiritually divine woo woo very recently that still gives me chills to think about. I’ll be sure to share it very soon but it certainly deserves its own post. It deals with connecting to my ancestors, sacred callings and an accidental seance. Oh, and a rose. I gotta say, I am feeling good about this reboot. And I do still want to incorporate fashion and style and astrology and other things like I had originally talked about but right now we’re just gonna ease back into this and get reacquainted🤝🏼. And BOY do I have a lot to say. Buckle up, punks ❤